If you'll just give me a minute...
I'm sure I could find us a couple of bathing suits.
But why bother?
I don't want you to think that I'm stuffy or uptight.
I'm considered a pretty groovy catch.
You know, tuned in.
Like when I'm on business in Los Angeles...
I always have lunch at a topless... place.
Just because I don't have the long sideburns...
that doesn't mean that...
Did you ever hear of "Old Calcutta"?
I've seen it twice, and "Carnal Knowledge," too.
Yeah, the permissive society...
age of Aquarius, sexual revolution...
I'm into all of that.
Take the secretaries in our home office...
always wearing those hot pants.
There's nothing wrong with that...
just as long as they're worn by consenting adults.
Please keep in mind that it's Sunday...
and this is a Catholic country...
and they may think it's in very poor taste.
Can you hear me?
Oh, my God.
Are you all right?
I'm fantastic.
I'll give you one minute to catch your breath.
Then we're gonna swim back.
What's the rush?
No rush. Just a little cold in here in the water.
Nice and warm here, just lying in the sun...
with your eyes closed.
Yeah? Are your eyes closed?
Why?
Nothing. Just asking.
Here we are...
basking like two baby seals.
Wonder what they talked about... Willie and Kate.
I'm sure they didn't talk at all.
They would just listen.
To the wind and the waves...
and the beat, beat, beat of their foolish hearts.
Why not?
When you're in love, you don't need words.
A look, a touch, a sigh... you've said it all.
That's not bad. I should try that on my wife.
Every time I come home from work completely pooped...
she always wants to know why I don't talk to her.
Do you and Bertram...
Do you communicate much?
We haven't talked for six months.
Beautiful. You must really dig each other.
The fact of the matter is...
we haven't seen each other for six months.
The bastard walked out on me...
stole my telly, two Picasso posters...
and my hairdryer.
There's an apostle for you.
Moved in with some skinny girl in Kensington.
When I found out, would you believe...
I tried to commit suicide?
- No. - Yes.
I took my week's salary...
bought myself a suitcase full of fish and chips...
and a dozen bottles of Guinness stout...
and tried to eat myself to death.
Took them hours to pump my stomach out.
Was it worth it for a guy like that?
It was stupid, but I've learned my lesson.
Good.
No more fish and chips.
I guess there is something...
to what it says in the tourist guide.
What does it say?
It says, "ltaly is not a country.
"It's an emotion."
It's certainly been an experience.
I'm afraid we have some sightseers.
Please. Where's your British reserve?
Here.
Maybe you can use these.
That was quite the loveliest night of my life.
Thank you.
You're entirely welcome. See you around.
What's up?
It's an emergency. The Baron Forshmetelli's suite.
I hope it's not a heart attack.
That old crock, I wouldn't be surprised.
No, it's not the baron. It's one of the nurses.
Good night, Willie.
Good night, Kate.
Good morning, sir. Are you all right?
What?
Because they told me, at seven this morning...
you asked for two bottles of aspirin.
Oh, that. I just needed the cotton.
Damn bells. You talk about noise pollution.
There are 68 churches in Ischia. They all want the business.
How's that nurse? She all right?
Yes. Just a slipped disk.
The three of them, they were playing frogleap.
The word is leapfrog.
I would rather not know.
I have come to give a progress report.
- How we doing? - We are making progress.
I have met with the Trotta brothers.
I gave them German marks.
The bodies are back in the morgue.
Good.
The doctor from Capri has examined them.
I have the health certificates right here.
What about the coffins?
They arrived this morning, all three of them.
Three?
The two from Bologna and that first one...
that I ordered from Amalfi, remember?
There is no refund, no exchange.
No big deal. Make a lamp out of it.
About my nephew.
He got to Naples, and his friend...
let him into the license bureau...
even though it's closed on Sunday...
and he got the export license.
Then we're all set.
Yes and no, because this nephew...
he gets tickets for speeding all the time...
and while he was in that empty building...
he got to the file...
and he removed ten of his traffic citations...
and now he's in jail.
What about the export license?
They're holding that as evidence.
But not to worry.
When the court opens in the morning...
I have a cousin who is a lawyer.
I will get to him straightaway.
He is the worst lawyer in Naples...
but fortunately, he and the judge...
they have the same mistress.
Is that what you call Italian justice?
What about Sacco and Vanzetti?
When are you people going to learn...
how to make a decent cup of coffee?
You know what I had for breakfast?
Hot Pepsi-Cola.
- What's that? - Your shorts.
They washed up on the beach.
My shorts? What makes you think they're my shorts?
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe they belong to the young lady.
Just put them down, will you?
About those photographs I mentioned...
your father and his friend.
I have searched and searched and searched...
- And? - I found them.
Of all places, they were inside my mattress.
Is this the complete set?
Absolutely. That's the beauty of Polaroid...
no negatives and just one print.
Fair enough. What was our deal? I owe you a hundred bucks?
No, please...
You want Swiss francs or German marks?
I told you, it's not a question of money.
I don't need money. What I need is...
A visa.
A visa?
Yes. I want to go back to America...
and you can help me.
How?
You know all the big shots...
senators, the State Department...
Dr. Kissinger. You can pull strings.
Not a chance.
Not once you've been deported as a criminal.
A criminal? I'm not a criminal.
I'm a patriot.
You know why they deported me?
There were all these hippies...
demonstrating in Washington Square...
calling our President filthy names...
and burning the American flag...
on July 4th, with police all around doing nothing.
So I got pissed off...
and pulled my gun out of my holster...
and what do you think happened?
The cops arrested me. It was a bum rap.
Give me all the details, and then when I get back...
This can't wait.
You know that maid Anna... with the mustache?
- What about her? - She wants me to marry her.
Congratulations.
God forbid.
If there is one thing worse than a Sicilian woman...
it's a Sicilian woman who's pregnant.
I must get out of here fast.
I sympathize with you, and I'll do all I can...
but I can't make you any promises.
I am counting on you.
Because, you see...
I have other photographs...
taken this morning.
Same rock, same sunrise...
different bodies.
So you better try very hard.
Wait a minute.
Where are those pictures?
They are not in my mattress.
You miserable little crook, I'll beat the bejesus out of you!
What a day. Do you believe it?
And how about all those bells? Smashing, aren't they?
Smashing is right.
If you need me, just ring.
Is it all right if I go into your bathroom?
Yeah, by all means.
Don't let me interrupt. Go ahead and finish your breakfast.
Isn't the coffee here fabulous?
What happened?
What's the matter? Did you burn yourself?
Guess what.
I weighed myself on my own scales...
but I didn't believe it, so I came here to check.
- I've lost three pounds. - Really?
After that enormous meal last night...
and strawberries and cream this morning...
and bacon and eggs and croissant and butter.
Wait till I see Dr. Shaftsbury.
They should defrock him or disbar him...
or whatever they do.
- Who's Dr. Shaftsbury? - My psychiatrist.
Him, yeah.
He kept telling me I was unhappy because I was overweight.
Rubbish! Obviously I was overweight...
because I was unhappy. See what I mean?
Yes, I do. I think I do.
How long will it take you?
Because I can be ready in no time.
Why?
You know those carts with the horses...
with the feathers on their heads?
I thought maybe we could take a ride around the island...
and stop for a late lunch somewhere.
I'm starved again.
I'd like to, but there's so many things...
I have to take care of here at the hotel.
- It's our last day. - There's still tonight.
Same program?
Dinner downstairs and sunrise and...
Last night, that was their thing.
I thought maybe tonight we'd do something different...
an our thing.
Surprise me.
You can do my room now.
Here you are.
You call this a first-class hotel?
If it is about the bed not being made, I can explain.
Who cares about the bed?
It's about the valet on this floor... Bruno.
You know about it?
I know he's a goddamn blackmailer.
I ought to kill that dirty little fink.
- It has all been taken care of. - What has?
- The dirty little fink is dead. - Dead?
Murdered. He's lying in room 126...
with three bullets in his chest.
Miss Piggott's room?
She had nothing to do with it. It was the maid Anna.
She killed him, and then she ran away.
That is why your bed has not been made.
Terrible.
It's a tragedy.
If you lose a guest, you can always replace him.
But to lose a valet and a maid in the middle of the season...
Listen, that character Bruno, he took some photographs.
Perfectly innocent, mind you...
but if they fell into the wrong hands...
Don't worry. They fell into the right hands.
I'm sorry. I had to look just for a second...
but I had to make sure who they belonged to.
Thanks.
There is just one thing that puzzled me.
The black socks...
Is it because you are in mourning?
- What's this? - Miss Piggott's things.
We are moving them in here temporarily, as a precaution.
- What precaution? - The police will arrive...
and we do not want her involved.
They will start asking all kinds of questions.
And who knows what may come out.
What would I do without you?
I have often wondered about that.
I'm sorry, but you have been moved.
Moved? Why?
I just follow orders. You are now in 121-122.
But I was perfectly happy...
121-122?
Mr. Armbruster's suite.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
Don't be.
It's me... Pamela.
Hi!
I'm in the tub. Make yourself at home.
I must say, you do have some cheek.
I do?
Aren't you taking rather a lot for granted?
Just what made you think that I would have...
the slightest interest in this arrangement?
Did you say something?
Not that I expected any subtlety from you.
After all, you're American.
You're accustomed to having everything your own way.
You see something you want, and you just grab it.
Come again?
London Bridge, for instance.
You simply took it apart stone by stone...
and shipped it off to someplace in the wild west.
Or the Queen Mary, with all that tradition...
sitting there off the coast of California...
reduced to a floating cafeteria.
What the hell are you talking about?
Such conceit, such arrogance.
You act as though you own the world.
Playing golf on the moon. Now, really.
Me, I play golf at the country club.
Twelve handicap.
And then you wonder why people don't like you.
Because you're like spoiled children...
no manners, no consideration.
You don't just pick up the phone and say...
"Move that bird in here from 126."
If I'm to have an affair with someone...
I'd like to know it first...
and not hear about it from the concierge.
Oh, my god. The bags.
Wait a minute!
A girl likes to be asked.
She should be given a chance to say no.
Miss Piggott...
She wants to be talked into it.
What we have here is a failure of communication.
It's not that I'm women's lib or anything.
I don't mind being treated as a sex object...
but it's like any other game.
You have to play according to the rules...
or it takes all the fun out of it.
Hang on a minute before things get out of hand!
Hello? Hello?
Baltimore?
Yes, this is Mr. Armbruster's suite.
Could you speak up a bit, please?
I'm sorry. Wendell can't come to the phone right now.
He's in the bathroom.
Can I help you?
This is Miss Piggott.
Am I the what?
The interpreter?
Whatever gave you that idea?
Hello? Hello?
- This... - You're dripping.
Whatever you may think of Americans...
I do not consider you "a bird."
- I do not take you for granted... - Thank you.
About your things being here...
there was no time to ask you.
You were out of the hotel, and under the circumstances...
it seemed the most practical thing to do.
- I understand. - No, you don't.
You were moved out of your room...
for your own protection, for our protection.
We do have to be very careful.
I said surprise me, and you certainly did.
You're taller than I thought.
What... The bed.
Have you noticed it's not been made up?
I'll do it later.
That's because of Anna, the maid.
It seems that she was pregnant by Bruno, the valet.
The things that go on on this floor.
She wanted to get married, but he didn't.
He wanted to go back to America...
but there was a problem because he'd been deported.
So he wanted me to help him, and she found out about it...
Is this going to be a long story?
Anyway, the maid... she's Sicilian, you know...
she got a gun, and she shot him just like that.
Three bullets right through the photographs.
And that's why your bags...
All clear. The body has been removed.
The police have left the hotel.
So we can now take Miss Piggott's luggage...
back to her room.
I'll take care of that.
As I was trying to tell you...
The murder... She shot him in your room.
We had to move you out of there fast...
before the police got there.
Then this was not exactly an... invitation?
Not really.
As a matter of fact, it was Carlucci's idea.
How stupid.
No, it wasn't. Because the Italian police...
once they start asking questions...
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
It's just one of those things. It's nobody's fault.
Fortunately, I'm only half unpacked.
These things happen.
I remember I was invited...
to a New Year's Eve party in New York.
3 East 72nd Street. I had a ball!
It wasn't until the next morning...
I found out I was at the wrong party.
It was 3 West 72nd Street.
Don't you think that's funny?
Put it through. Baltimore.
They called you before.
Hello.
Hello, Emily. How are you?
Is something wrong?
What was that?
Wait a minute. Miss Piggott?
I told you before, she's the interpreter.
Who says she isn't?
She did?
I can explain that.
She's English, and we're in Italy.
She can't get a labor permit...
and naturally, she's not going to admit...
What do you mean, she's in my room all the time?
I don't mind you getting a little jealous now and then...
but isn't this ridiculous?
Do you think that I, at a time like this...
What music?
OK, all right!
Go ahead! Have it your way!
I've got a gypsy band up here...
incense is burning, the booze is flowing!
Miss Piggott and I are playing frogleap bare-assed!
Is that any better?
Just to put your mind at rest...
you needn't be worried one bit...
because if you saw me, I'm short, I'm fat...
and I'm not very attractive. OK?
All right, Emily, you satisfied now?
Let's just forget the whole incident.
Yes, I should be out of here by tomorrow.
Everything's all wrapped up.
One small snag in Naples... the export license.
Blodgett? Jo Jo Blodgett?
Yes, I know he's with the State Department.
A friggin' bore.
He's stationed in Paris?
There is no reason to contact...
all right, if worse comes to worst.
Yeah, I'll tell her.
Kiss-kiss.
Mrs. Armbruster said to apologize to you.
No need.
Personally, I thought you overdid it a little.
I was just telling the truth.
Come on. Stop putting yourself down.
I'm sure there's any number of men...
who'd find you very attractive.
Oh, yes. No-good bastard Bertram...
and some sex-starved sardine fishermen...
and the local coroner, who took me for a ride on his scooter...
and then pinched my behind.
If it's of any interest to you...
you know who finds you attractive? Me.
I find you attractive.
Don't bother. I'll survive.
This isn't the first time I've made a fool of myself.
Excuse me.
Would you consider it impertinent...
if I asked you to step on the scales?
- Yes, I would. - Please?
I really don't care anymore.
It's not the weight, it's the height.
Why don't you just make a contribution...
to your favorite charity?
Are you guys sure this is Ischia?
Reasonably sure, sir.
Because I don't want to land in Africa.
That would be bigger, sir.
Maybe it's one of those Greek islands.
No, sir. Greece is way to the left.
Not as long as I'm with the State Department.
Go away! Go away!
What the hell is the name of this place?
Ischia, but you cannot land.
What do you mean, we can't land?
It is lunchtime. Come back later.
My good man, do you know to whom you're talking?
I do not talk to anybody.
Lunchtime!
Let me make one thing perfectly clear.
I am Joseph J. Blodgett...
United States Government, State Department...
and I'm here on an emergency mission...
concerning an American citizen.
OK, boys, stand by.
And you better start clearing some of these seats out...
so we have room for the coffin.
Roger.
Tell me, how far is this hotel?
Grand Hotel Excelsior, five kilometers.
OK, OK. What do we do about transportation?
No transportation. Lunchtime!
What the hell is going on in this country?
This wouldn't have happened in the old days.
You remember Mussolini?
Christ.
What's the matter?
Just thinking about going back home.
I hate the whole idea.
- Thank you. - Right after the funeral...
there's going to be a board of directors meeting...
and probably a proxy fight...
and I'll have to spend a week in Washington...
because they're investigating the Armbruster Foundation.
And there's that strike...
at our electronics plant in Wisconsin.
And we'll probably have to recall...
250,000 square feet of artificial turf...
because they said...
there's too much lead in the green paint.
Goddamn Ralph Nader.
Who asked him?
Guess we all have our problems.
I have to pick up my cat from the vet's in Bayswater.
Hope the garage will have my Mini Morris fixed by now.
And I really should repaint my kitchen.
Can I have your croissant?
Of course. You can have anything you want.
About your flat in London...
Won't you need a new television and hairdryer...
all that stuff that your apostle ran off with?
Don't bother. I dry my hair in the oven...
and I really don't watch the telly.
It's always the same...
northern Ireland and Princess Anne...
and the Common Market.
Pamela... my father and your mother...
Now, during all those years, didn't he ever give her any...
He must have helped her out from time to time.
Financially.
You want to know whether my mother was a kept woman?
After all, a man likes to show his gratitude.
Maybe an occasional present?
Every Christmas, he would send her...
a dozen long-stemmed roses to the Savoy hotel.
Your mother was well-to-do?
No. She was making £15 a week and tips.
On £15 a week, she was living at the Savoy?
She wasn't living there. She was working there...
as a manicurist.
Did my father know that?
She didn't want him to know.
Why not?
I told you the first day.
She loved him. She didn't want any tips.
That'll be Carlucci.
"I have good news.
"The arrangements, they have all been made."
I guess it's checking-out time.
Yes.
Did Miss Piggott enjoy her kippers?
No, that's not why I called.
I called to tell you that Anna the maid...
she has been arrested by the police...
in a rowboat trying to escape to Sicily.
And the bodies, they are in the coffins...
and all ready for shipment.
Let me see... there was something else.
The judge in Naples, he has had a slight stroke.
Wait a minute. What judge?
I don't know any judge in Naples.
Yes, you do.
The one with the same mistress as my cousin the lawyer...
who was going to get my nephew out of jail.
She was going to help him, but she helped him too hard...
and the judge, he always had high blood pressure.
What are you trying to tell me?
We have no export license, is that it?
More or less.
Now they will have to appoint a new judge.
That may take a day or two.
We sure are running in bad luck.
It's not your fault. It's the way it goes.
Don't worry about it. I still like you.
Problems?
We may be stuck here for another couple of days.
That's terrible.
Yeah.
What about the funeral?
Oh, boy! All those people...
the closed-circuit TV, glee club...
I'll just have to call Baltimore.
If it has to be postponed, it has to be postponed.
- I'm so sorry. - What can I do?
You've certainly done everything you could.
How about you and your plans?
We're not that busy in the shop.
I'm sure mother won't mind. She's in no hurry...
to get back to the rain and the cold.
I guess dad wouldn't mind, either.
They deserve another couple of days together...
don't you think?
Thank you.
My pleasure!
What room is he in?
Just a moment. Your name, please?
Here. I'll talk to him.
Wendell, boy?
Jo Jo Blodgett, State Department.
How are you, kid? Emily called me last night...
told me about your little problem.
Damn it. I told her not to bother you.
I'm sorry, Jo Jo. I realize you've got...
more important things to do in Paris.
Sure do. That's why I grabbed...
the first plane to Rome this morning.
Borrowed a helicopter from the sixth fleet.
You're on Ischia? Where? At the airport?
Better than that, kiddo. I'm right here in the lobby.
You're in the lobby!
That's great.
That's what I really call service.
Why don't you just check in, wash up...
and we'll have a drink later in the afternoon.
What drink? What later?
I got to get back to Paris tonight.
I'm taking Julie and David Eisenhower...
to dinner at Maxim's. So we got to get cracking.
We haven't got a minute to lose. Be right with you.
What's that room number?
What are we going to do with this?
What are we going to do with you?
I am Carlo Carlucci, director of the hotel.
Such a pleasure to have you here.
Thank you.
It may interest you to know we once had...
another famous American diplomat staying here once...
Mr. Benjamin Franklin.
Franklin? Yes, Ben Franklin.
A good man for his time.
Of course, today I'm not sure...
he could pass the security check.
Would you like to see his room?
It is in the old part of the building.
Not now!
Excuse me. I would like your advice about something...
straight from the horse's mouth.
Do you think there will be a war in the Middle East?
We don't give out that kind of information.
I have been offered a job...
with a chain of American hotels... the Sheraton.
There are a couple of openings, and one of them is in Damascus.
Don't quote me on this, but with the Russian presence...
escalating in the Mediterranean...
and the military posture of the Arabs stiffening...
and the first-strike capability of the Israelis at its peak...
the whole place is a powder keg.
Could blow up in your face any second.
My advice is forget Damascus.
Thank you. In that case, I had better take the other job.
- What's that? - The Sheraton in New York.
Take the one in Damascus.
- One more question. - No more questions!
Come in.
Jo Jo Blodgett, if I ever saw one.
Hi there.
How are you? Been a long time.
I haven't been back to the States since '67.
That's it. Halloween of '67.
Party at the country club. You came dressed as Batman.
I'm sorry about what happened to your father.
Look, it's 2:00 in the afternoon.
At 11:00 tomorrow morning...
you have a funeral 4,000 miles away...
and you're sitting here getting a manicure?
This is Miss Tromboncino. She works in the barber shop.
Could you possibly speed it up a little?
She doesn't speak any English.
I get that all over the world.
Mind you, I don't object...
to foreigners speaking a foreign language.
I just wish they'd all speak the same foreign language.
- Odd. - What's odd?
If I didn't know how straight-laced you were...
and if I didn't know that you were in mourning...
and if that dame were about 20 pounds lighter...
- I would sort of suspect... - Suspect what?
Mr. Blodgett, please. That dame, she is my niece.
She was brought up by the Carmelite sisters.
I was only kidding.
It is forgotten.
How many more fingers has she got to go?
Relax, will you?
Relax nothing. You're screwing up my timetable.
I've got that helicopter standing by.
- Can I use your can? - What for?
To wash my hands.
I mean, what's the helicopter for?
To pick up the old boy. We're going to fly him to Rome.
Then I'm going to put you on the night plane to Baltimore.
- Tonight? - Sure.
That's what you think.
This is Italy. Nothing's that simple.
We're still hassling over the export license.
Emily told me all about that.
It looks like we can't get out of here before Wednesday.
I was about to phone home, tell them to postpone the ceremony.
Postpone nothing. Batman is here.
We don't need an export license.
We're gonna bypass all that bull.
Bypass? How can you do it?
No sweat. We're appointing your father...
commercial attaché to the embassy in Rome.
And that entitles him to all the rights...
and immunities of a diplomat.
Wait a minute. You're going to appoint him...
- Why not? - A dead man?
Just proves that we don't discriminate against anybody...
for reasons of race, creed, color, or state of health.
You mean we handle him just like a diplomatic pouch?
You bet. He goes right through customs...
sealed coffin, no inspection, no formalities at either end.
- That's kind of cute. - That's nothing.
Someday I'll tell you how we got Batista out of Cuba.
First on the agenda...
First, you wanted to go to the can.
Can. That's right.
I'm sorry. Mother would never forgive me.
Look at the wretched job I did on your nails.
Tell me something.
Bruno's body. What did they do with it?
It is lying in the morgue, unclaimed. No family.
- Interesting. - In what way?
We may have a use for that third coffin.
That is very generous of you.
Your family plot, does that offer still stand?
You're not suggesting we bury Bruno there!
The Carluccis, they would turn over in their graves.
I wasn't thinking of Bruno.
No?
You were thinking of somebody else?
Maybe... two somebody elses?
My ancestors, they will be honored.
We're not there yet. There's a time element.
And we'll need some transportation.
Transportation? No sweat.
I will call the Trotta brothers.
You know you got...
a plate of scrambled eggs in the bathtub?
- I do? - And half a herring.
Now you understand why I want that job with Sheraton.
OK, kid, here is the game plan.
You get dressed and packed. Next, we collect your father.
Sure thing. As soon as they open the morgue.
And I want some officials at that airport.
I want the mayor and what-have-you.
Of course. Right after lunch.
- That will be 4:00. - 4:00?
That's when they open the mortuary.
That goddamn lunchtime again.
We pour in millions of dollars of foreign aid...
just so they can sit on their butts and...
What the hell is there to do around here for two hours?
Tell him about the mud baths.
Mud baths?
World-famous.
For rheumatism, arthritis, neuritis, phlebitis...
urinary complaints, hyperacidity, male potency.
Is that so?
Come to think of it, I do have a slight acid condition.
Maybe I'll give that a little whirl.
By all means.
It is downstairs. I will show you.
Be right back.
Where do we meet?
Let me put it all together, and we'll meet at the airport.
Right-o.
That mud business... does it really help?
I assure you, after one bath...
you will have the acidity of a man of twenty.
Thank you.
It was your idea.
What's the name of that orchestra here?
Sergio... something. Why?
We might as well go all the way.
I'm sure he'd enjoy it more...
than that glee club in Baltimore...
the son of a bitch.
The marble, do you want it white or pink?
Pink.
Very good. And the inscription?
I guess..."Willie and Kate."
"Willie and Kate." That is all?
We don't want any weeping angels or hearts intertwined.
Or do we?
How about "Willie and Kate Carlucci"?
I'll go for that.
You make me very happy.
And there will be tromboncini every Sunday.
After all, we are now one big family.
Hold it, boys.
My father goes on the other side.
Very important. It's his good ear.
Damn!
What the hell took you so long?
Signore, in Italy, when a coffin passes by...
people cross themselves.
They kneel down sometimes in the middle of the road.
You just cannot...
All right, all right.
Over here, boys! Let's get this thing down!
Poor Bruno.
If he knew what was happening to him...
What do you mean, "poor Bruno"?
This is what he always wanted... to go back to America.
Come on, boys. Snap it up, will you?
Come on. It's getting late.
Will the witnesses please step forward?
Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
I, Wendell Armbruster Sr., do solemnly swear...
that I will uphold and defend...
the Constitution of the United States...
against all enemies foreign and domestic...
and that I will perform the duties of my office...
to the best of my ability, so help me God.
Congratulations, sir.
And salute!
Ready, hup!
Thank you, gentlemen. That concludes the ceremonies.
All right, load her up.
Here. You'll need this.
It's your father's diplomatic passport.
You don't miss a trick, do you?
The C.I.A. Ran it off for me last night.
The C.I.A.?
Never heard of them. Let's go.
Good-bye, Pamela Piggott.
Have a good flight. Don't work too hard.
Suppose I do? The worst that can happen...
is I'll wind up with a bad back.
The suite, it will be ready.
July 15th to August 15th.
If we should run into each other again...
in the lobby or the souvenir shop...
I promise you I'll be so thin.
You lose one pound, just one pound...
and it's all over between us.